Grace and Grit: Spirituality and Healing in the Life and Death of Treya Killam Wilber

By Ken Wilber. Boston: Shambhala Publications, Inc., 2000, 408 pp.

Reviewed by Maggie Horne, B.A., Loyola University Maryland, Baltimore, MD

Grace and Grit is the both the story of one woman’s battle against cancer and an introduction to perennial philosophy. The story chronicles Ken and Treya Wilber’s five-year marriage and Treya’s experience with cancer, treatment, and death. Perennial philosophy is discussed as it relates to their experience with daily life. The original intention was for Treya to write this book, so significant portions of the books are excerpts from her journal. In the final product written after her death, Ken Wilber, a renowned author of over 20 books, compiles her story and adds his perspective of their story.

Although its content focuses on a struggle with cancer, this book has clinical utility for both those facing cancer or other terminal illnesses and a physically healthy individual struggling to find purpose and meaning in their life, particularly if he or she has an agnostic worldview. The urgency of Treya’s physical illness and death in contrast to her strong desire to live and delve deeper into figuring out her purpose could be equally as inspiring for someone who is not nearing death as it is for someone who is facing death.

Perennial philosophy is an ideology professing that at the deepest level of all of the great spiritual and wisdom traditions worldwide, human encounter with the Divine is identical. It asserts that all traditions consider the human condition to be a fallen or illusory state and believe that some form of redemption is available through direct experience with the Divine and compassion for living beings. The implications of living according to this belief system are woven into Treya’s story.

When integrating use of this book in psychotherapy, its main value is the inspiration of the story and the example it sets for facing both circumstantial hardship and existential issues courageously. It is recommended that the client read the entire book, but the following specific chapters should be targeted for prompting discussion in psychotherapy:

Chapter 3,“Condemned to Meaning”:

Treya struggles with the universal questions of suffering: Why me? What does this mean? What should I do about it? During this discussion, Ken Wilber summarizes what all of the major religions and cultures believe about the cause and purpose of physical illness and Treya’s journal entry reveals the meaning she finds in her own illness. Together they also discuss every treatment option, both conventional and alternative.

This chapter can be clinically useful for beginning or deepening the discussion of meaning for a client with a chronic or fatal illness. Its openness to both conventional and alternative treatment options could also set the tone for honest communication between clients and health care providers about finding the best treatment options for each unique individual.

Chapters 4 and 8, “A question of balance” and “Who am I?”

Treya tracks her daily schedule as a person with cancer, along with her inner experience and her desire to find greater purpose. Both of these chapters could be useful for a person in transition; whose physical or mental illness or life circumstances suddenly prevent them from participating in actions that characterized their identity.

Chapter 9, “Narcissus, or the Self-Contraction”

Ken Wilber and Treya’s relationship is presented authentically in Grace and Grit. The discussion of the problems in their relationship in the chapter “Narcissus, or the Self-Contraction” normalizes reactions such as anger and frustration towards one’s partner under stressful situations and may also inspire the desire to overcome relational issues in a client’s life, despite stressful circumstances.

In the final chapter, “Grace and Grit,” Treya prepares for her own death, particularly by writing letters to the people she loves. The example of a meaningful death shown in this chapter could spark a conversation about both living and dying with meaning in both clients who are nearing death and those who are not.

This book would not be recommended for someone with a very conservative worldview, as perennial philosophy may be offensive to some religious people. A similar drawback to Grace and Grit is that some sections are esoteric. In an effort to maintain the integrity of Treya’s journal entries, much of the book is filled with first name references to people of whom the reader has no knowledge. The reader who is already new to or skeptical of perennial philosophy may feel unable to relate to this style of writing. In addition, both sexuality and Treya’s cancer treatment are discussed graphically, so this book should be used with caution with children and adolescents.

In summary, Grace and Grit is highly recommended for open-minded clients struggling to find meaning, particularly if they or their loved ones are suffering from chronic illness. It would also be potentially useful for clients in bereavement or preparing for their own death or the death of a loved one.