Broken Boys/Mending Men: Recovery from Childhood Sexual Abuse

By Stephen Grubman-Black. New York: Ivy Books,1990, 200 pages

Reviewed by William E. Breen, B.A., Loyola College, Baltimore, MD

Stephen Grubman-Black has written a powerful and affecting book that successfully communicates the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of male victims of sexual abuse. Broken Boys/Mending Men allows the reader the possibility of experiencing a small part of the betrayal, confusion, loneliness, and pain that occupies the world of the victim. By offering this unique possibility, Grubman-Black intends to awaken people to the issues surrounding male sexual abuse and to encourage talking and listening in an effort to begin the healing process.

The main theme of the book is that sexual abuse is a traumatic part of the childhood experience of many male children and adolescents and often is not dealt with until well into adulthood. Grubman-Black relies on feedback he has received from workshops and lectures he designed for survivors of sexual abuse, as well as years of personal learning, to make a meaningful contribution to the literature surrounding this topic. The author has used this feedback and personal learning to compile a large number of anecdotal examples that serve to illustrate the notion that sexual abuse can happen to male children of any age, race, and socioeconomic status. These stories acknowledge the variability and uniqueness of each victim of sexual abuse. The author brings home the point that there is no certain type of child that experiences abuse, no set circumstances in which abuse may occur, and no typical perpetrator who commits such acts.

Grubman-Black utilizes an interesting approach by employing the first person perspective throughout the entirety of the book. This approach may allow some readers to establish a closer connection to the thoughts and ideas presented than if the book followed a more clinical or analytical approach. The author’s intent may well have been to universalize the messages presented so that the stories being told may seem to be coming from the mouth of a next door neighbor, a close friend or family member, or you and me. There is a certain sense of empathic understanding that may be lost for the reader in more clinical descriptions of victim symptomatology that the author has managed to preserve and convey with such statements as, “I felt all alone in the world,” and, “We all feel betrayed.”

The book provides a realistic discussion of the major issues of sexual abuse exposing societal myths and misconceptions in the process. The author addresses the difficulty that males have with such issues as betrayal, confusion, intimacy, masculinity, responsibility, sexuality, shame, touch, and trust, and reveals the complexity involved in attempting to resolve such difficulties. At times the discussion is raw and potentially painful, yet the author strives to instill hope and foster encouragement and acceptance at every possible moment.

One of the real strengths of the book is its ability to place the reader in the phenomenological reality of the victim. The author spends considerable time providing examples of victims’ perceptions of themselves and their world, all the while accomplishing this task without intellectualizing or utilizing technical jargon. These poignant examples may serve a dual purpose. On the one hand, a victim of abuse may be comforted and reassured that he is not alone in thinking or feeling the way he does about the abuse he survived. On the other hand, individuals who want to know or need to know more about the male experience of sexual abuse are presented with the opportunity to learn through vicarious means. For the friend, family member, partner, or clinician who interacts on any meaningful level with a male who has been sexually abused, learning about the personal world of the survivor may prove to be an essential insight.

Broken Boys/Mending Men is not simply about the tragedy of childhood sexual abuse. It is also about the process of healing that must commence after the individual has accepted that he was sexually abused. The author expresses the opinion that it is never too late to begin the healing process and asserts that talking and listening are an essential piece of that process. By relaying a variety of different experiences the author provides a rough framework for taking the first steps in the healing process. This presentation of various experiences may allow both the survivor and his loved ones the opportunity to find some possible wisdom in what has worked and what has not worked for others who have undergone similar experiences. Grubman-Black’s book is educational without giving advice and encouraging without instilling a false sense of hope.

Broken Boys/Mending Men may be particularly useful in bibliotherapy because of its lay approach to the phenomena of male sexual abuse. This book may be used as an effective educational tool for family members and other loved ones who enter psychotherapy because of difficulties in relationships with male survivors. It may also be used to increase psychotherapist empathy. Yet, the greatest use of this book may be seen in working with survivors themselves. From start to finish, the book provides thoughtful discussions on many topics that could lead to meaningful discussions, increased sensitivity, and self-awareness in a therapeutic environment. Also, the honest intensity of the book may challenge survivors to experience distant parts of their past while promoting future understanding and healing. Several of the chapters address specific issues concerning male sexual abuse that could be assigned as short homework assignments tailor made for survivors suffering from those particular problems. Thus, there seems to be some practical reasons for incorporating this book in bibliotherapy.

However, there are some other important points to consider before utilizing this book in therapy. As the title suggests, Broken Boys/Mending Men deals exclusively with the sexual abuse of male children and the experience of adult male survivors. The book does not address female sexual abuse or (adult) sexual assault. Perpetrator issues are also not discussed. This book would be inappropriate for female survivors, survivors of adult sexual assault, offenders of any type, and for clients interested in learning more about any aspect of these areas in general.

Another important consideration is the relative paucity of any empirical research to support opinions expressed in the book. The lack of scientific language and content may appear more lay-reader friendly but may also detract from author credibility. The author does include an extensive reference list but fails to integrate source material into pertinent topic areas throughout the book. The book may also suffer from being published in 1990, which may date it prior to more recent research efforts in the area of male sexual abuse. Nonetheless, the strengths of the book including the main theme and the description of the victim’s world provide continued relevance and support for its practical application in psychotherapy today.

Lastly, due to the nature of the book, there are a number of instances where the author includes very graphic depictions and retellings to illustrate the reality of sexual abuse. These sections in particular need to be evaluated and assessed along with client emotional stability and readiness before being utilized in therapy. It is to be expected that some parts of psychotherapy may be uncomfortable and even painful, yet it is essential that treatment not be harmful.

In conclusion, Grubman-Black’s book seems to be a very appropriate and useful tool for bibliotherapy. The benefits in using the book are several and include insight, instilling hope, and providing encouragement for survivors of male sexual abuse. However, there are also some important considerations to keep in mind. A competent clinician must weigh the benefits for psychotherapy against potential harm in the form of emotional pain that may occur is a client is presented with the material in the book before he is prepared to receive it.